Feeling lost

I can not seem to get focused these days.  NOTHING can get me going.  I will be really good one day, and then I make one bad decision only to end up feeling full of sadness and regret.  Which leads to me either 1. drink (which is full of calories and eventually leads to consuming more food) or 2. eat.  I am not exactly one of those people that feels sad so I head to the gym?  I mean have you sat in that chair in my apartment?  It is just begging to spend Saturday afternoons sitting in it, while eating junk food and watching a Big Bang Theory marathon.  These are the marathons I need not to participate in.  I am hoping I can get back on track.  Losing weight has lost of all the glamour it once had...  It was so much fun initially now it just feels like work and is exhausting.  BUT I have to remember how great it feels to be smaller.  I need to remember how I use to feel about myself.  I now know how it feels for my clothes not to fit, or just be uncomfortably tight when worn. (my current work pants are toooooo tight and I refuse to purchase new ones)  I don't need Weight Watchers.  Or Jenny Craig.  Or Over Eaters Anonymous to help me.  The thing is I know how to do this, I just can't seem to must up the will to actually do it.  There are always biological scientific factors but the basic concept of calories burned > calories consumed will probably get me to where I need to go.  So here is my list of everything I need to do to continue to my goal (that ultimately being weighing 100 lbs less than I did at my biggest):

• Put down the bottle - Drinking is my number one downfall.  Let's be honest here I am not a one drink kind of girl.  I am more like a belly up to the bar and out drink most grown men with whiskey.  And if the calories in all those jack and cokes, blue moons, sangria's or orange bombs aren't bad enough, the food I consume during, early that morning or even the worst the next day just make it worse.  Now I am never going to stay completely sober.  I would rather never reach my goal than have to go out every Saturday night and not drink.  Or even watch a football game and not give myself the option of a cold beer.  But I need to stop the mindless drinking.  The 8 brandys and apple cider at Friendsgiving for no apparent reason.  Drinking sugar filled pineapple upside down cake drinks with my parents on Saturday afternoons.  I don't even mind a drunk night out, but if I going to drink it should be "worth it". (Seriously, am I an alcoholic? Because I sure as hell sound like it.)
• Stop eating out - Not in an overall sense.  I am too social for that.  But the day I forgot to pack my lunch (which should NEVER happen, but it does) so I eat a bento box.  Or I am just bored with my food from home so I get Jimmy John's.  Now I never eat "fast food" in the sense of Long John Silvers, McDonald's, Taco Bell (not because I don't love these places because I do, how good does a Chalupa sound right now?), but no matter how you look at it Panera and Potbelly are not that healthy...and I am pretty sure the gyro platter at Pita Queen is worse for you than a Quarter Pound with cheese extra value meal anyways.
• Pop, soda, whatever the hell you call it - I need to stop this life of moderation and face facts.  I can not drink carbonated beverages.  I can not just have one, not even every once in awhile (how often is that anyways?!?).  It is going to have to be an all or nothing thing.  I love mountain dew.  Pepsi.  Coke.  Sprite.  I named my entire blog after a 44oz fountain pop at my favorite convenience store.  This seems like an impossible task but I need to do it.  Ugh, I love Jack and cokes....the thought of never having one again makes me so sad but come on there is NOTHING redeeming about this liquid from a health stand point.  Let's see how long this lasts.
• Incorporating variety - I am not exactly cook of the year.  I know like 3 recipes.  Maybe if I make things that are appetizing and are light on the calorie front I will lose weight, but this means trying new things.  I  can eat some of things I always do, but I need to try new things as well.  No matter what eating baked salmon and canned green beans is going to get old real quick.

Ok let's see how long this new inspiration last.  (One good thing about your pants not fitting is that you have a constant physical reminder that you are getting fatter.)  I posted this sign in my cube:

And need to design a similar one for my fridge.  Here is to TRYING to not feeling lost and getting back on track....

Inner Demons

I have often written that losing weight more difficult emotionally/mentally than it ever is physically.  Overall weight loss is hard on every part of your body.  My legs are constantly sore.  My arms feel like rubber after meeting with my trainer and constantly doing pull ups.  I currently have a blister that has now turned into an open wound on the back of my my foot that no matter how many band aids I put on it is constantly irritated.  But thanks to ice bags, Neosporin, and my compression sleeves (I LUV my compression sleeves more than any piece of running apparel I have purchased) these things will all heal.  I will always have soreness in my legs, if not I am not training hard enough.  If I want to be able to do unassisted pull ups; then I need to face facts that some days I will not be able to reach my arms above my shoulders.  It comes with the territory.  I am willing to accept this.  And for some reason feeling sore feels GOOD, maybe because you know you are working hard and results are coming soon.  (Feeling hurt does not….you need to know the difference.)

On the other hand, there is all that mental/emotional things that come with losing weight.  Isn’t weight loss suppose to be a happy time?  People can say what they want, but for the most part people look better the healthier they are (note the word healthy, not skinnier.  Bones are not attractive).  You also FEEL better.  You have more energy.  You have endorphins running through your body, which keep you happy, or at least they are suppose to.  Look at before and after pictures who have massive weight loss, aren’t they generally all mopey looking in their before picture and are beaming in their after?  That’s because in general, life is easier and happier when you aren’t lugging around all those extra pounds.  Think about it, you can shop at normal stores, you can comfortably fit on an airplane without that dreaded look from your neighbor that is a stranger that is thinking oh no they are sitting next to me, you can walk up a flight of stairs without being winded (ha this isn’t always true, sometimes I get winded walking to my 3^rd floor apartment), and you lose all the stigmas that come along with being fat.  Did you know that a girl that is overweight is 10 times more likely to be viewed as lazy by her peers?   (On the flip side, girls who are skinny at 10 times more likely to be thought of as being vain.)

So what could possibly be so hard to get over by losing weight?  The simple answer yourself.   I call her my inner fat girl.  When I was bigger it was the person inside me that didn’t judge me when I ate too much (way way way too much) in the confines of my own apartment, where others would had I been in public.  She was with me when I would go shopping with my friends and try to fit in something that I knew was too small, just so I would never had to admit out loud that none of the clothes at their stores fit me.  She was the one that rationalized with me that I didn’t work out, come on wasn’t my day job hard enough?    I have never been skinny, honestly I don’t think it is in my genes, so since I was old enough to realize that I was bigger than most of my friends, I came to terms with being the fat girl.  I was the token one of my group of friends.  I never really liked that stigma, and honestly I don’t know if anyone else ever identified me as that, but that is how I felt on the inside.  And as weird of it sounds it is so hard to let go of.

Why?  Because it was my excuse.  It was the reason for not doing things.  Why couldn’t I run a 5k?  I was too fat.  Why didn’t I dress fashionably?  I was too fat.  Why didn’t that guy like me?  I was too fat.  Now, OMG if it is not being fat then what is it? I can’t run a 5k because well I can, I just choose not to get out of bed to ONLY run 3 miles…too much work.  I am probably not fashionable because well I just am not the next Rachel Zoe.  And that guy who doesn’t like me….gasp maybe he just doesn’t like ME.  Not because I am fat, but because he didn’t like the person I am.  And that is an awful pill to swallow.  So every time that I go to a store and I try on something that doesn’t fit (damn you pants from Forever 21) I feel that inner fat girl telling me that I will never be that small….why would you ever think you could be that size?  Or when a guy that you are interested in blows you off, I can feel those inner demons telling me “who do you think you are to think a guy like that would never be interested in a girl like you”.  My inner fat girl might comfort me when I am sad and want to eat a burrito, but is detrimental when things go wrong, way wrong (good thing I am hard headed or I am pretty sure she would have convinced me not to finish the Chicago Marathon). 

This is a constant battle.  Little by little it gets easier, but it still is difficult to do.  No more excuses.  If you don’t hit your goals it is because you didn’t try hard enough.  If that guy isn’t into you it is because he didn’t like you, you as a person….not just your body.  And has hard as those things are to accept, it is much better than making excuses.  If I fail at something it is alllllll me.

Today I ran 2 miles in 14:50 today.  HELL YES.  I am pretty sure when I started this journey I couldn’t run one mile in 15 minutes!!  Take that fat girl....

Spin Spin Spin

Spinning absolutely terrified me.  Everyone in the classes seemed so intense, and knew what they were doing.  Plus unless my mom suggests it, I am not a big fan of riding a bike - so why would I like an hour of intense biking on a spin bike!  (I am much more of a beach cruiser kind of girl.)  But I have been saying for foreva that I want to try (I was curious about all this hype!), so I added it to my 30 before 30 list...so I had to do it.  6 weeks ago I took my first class.  Luckily my favorite instructor from the gym is the spin teacher as well, so she help me set up my bike and didn't make me feel like a dummy for having not the slightest clue how to work these things.  Then I had one hour of grueling cardio on a bike that went absolutely no where.  I was covered in sweat.  I chugged my bottle of water in the first 30 minutes.  I was also in love.  I could not believe how much I enjoyed it.  Not that it wasn't hard it was, I remember looking at the clock halfway through thinking that I couldn't make it another 25 minutes.  Yet I did, and it was glorious.  Since then I have been back at least once a week, and sometimes twice.  Not only is the instructor awesome, but the playlist is the BEST.  It is so much better to climb hills when "Heart broken" by Karmin is on or speed work is much more fun with Madonna's "Give Me all Your Luvin"....I mean she even plays "Call Me Maybe".   Enough said.

I did my runs this week and then did spinning afterwards.  It is definitely exhausting but I also feel AMAZING afterwards.  Plus you get to be competitive or I secretly am.  I always try to go faster than the people next to me; or make sure I have mine turned up to a higher intensity.  (I know you can't really tell on those bikes, but I can kind of tell by the number of turns they are taking!)  I don't know how long I will be able to keep this sort of schedule up, but I am going to try for as long as I can.  I can feel my quads getting stronger by the day.  Stronger quads=faster Chelsea, well that and less jiggle in the thighs, my ultimate goal.  Plus you burn oodles of calories so that can't be hurting my attempt at weight loss.  

On a different note, a steam ship line brought me pastries as a thank you gift for our business.  I put them in the lunch room hoping that everyone else in the company will eat them for me.  I do have will power....well at least I think I do.  Attempting to have it at the moment at least, thank god it is not pizza.  I can not resist a good piece of pizza!  I seriously hate healthy food.

The Live In is Gone

In Feb of this year my cousin Bo accepted a 12 week internship with an architecture firm on Michigan Ave.  Since 3 month leases are damn near impossible in this city, he moved in with me in my small one bedroom apartment, and was then referred to as the live in from that point on.  Move in date was the Saturday following St. Patrick's, the next 12 weeks we spent taking Jameson shots like crazy, eating as many restaurants as we could, and listening to 'Call Me Maybe' on repeat.
Here is our meal from Big and Little's that was on Diner's Drive Ins and Dives:

A pork belly sandwich with a side of Fois Gras and fries.  Yes, deep fried starch, aka potatoes covered in duck fat.  I seriously could have licked the container it was that good.  Or a 3 layer cake from Table 52:

I am pretty sure Art Smith put lard in this, and it was unbelievable.  After fried chicken and shrimp and grits no less.  Not to mention the 4-5 PINTS of Jack and Coke I would down a night.  Yeah pints....no high ball glasses here.  I was in a weight competition at work and was the only person that gained weight.  I ran 2 half marathons slow....way slow by my standards.  Thank god I was still going to the gym somewhat regularly.  Even between running and endless dance sessions at Harrigans, it happened.  I gained FIFTEEN pounds.  And my speed was greatly affected.  Like 10 minute mile if I am lucky slow.  (easy equation.....the less I weigh the faster I run.  I know this isn't true for everyone but it is for me).  As well as I just generally felt blah.  Honestly, I feel heavier now than I have ever been (key word being feel, not actually).  SOOO....Bo is gone.  I am sad and a bit lonely.  I miss having someone to tell if my outfit is ok or not, to make me breakfast on Sunday mornings, or just having someone to talk to when I come home from work. 

But this was not a healthy lifestyle.  Blacking out on a Thursday is fun.  But I would probably consume 1500 calories in drinks alone, not to mention the Qdoba or Panda Express I could eat on Friday afternoons.  Plus the all day drink fests on Sundays that followed crazy Saturday nights out.   It was fun, almost too fun, made me feel like I was 22 and a drinking champ again fun; but all good things must come to an end.  And it did, last weekend Bo finally departed. 

What perfect timing.  Marathon training has just started.  If I want to run the race I want to (and my god do I, it ain't called redemption Sunday for nothing!) I need to lose 20 to 25 lbs.  I will not run a 4:15 at this current weight.  SO, it is time to get serious.  Does this mean I am giving up everything to focus on my weight loss, hell no.  BUT I need to stop it with snacking on chips.  Eating those plastics containers full of oatmeal chocolate chip cookies from Trader Joe's (damn you Joe those things are soooo good), and the getting drunk 4 nights a week has to stop.  Now.  So I went grocery shopping this week.  I bought fish, brown rice, fruit, veggies, trail mix and one box of skinny cow ice cream sandwiches (hey a girl can't give things up cold turkey).  And I am working out a lot.  Going to bed at a decent hour.  Having one beer when I go out, to dinner.  (let's be honest that will never happen on a Saturday night but good for week nights)  Eating half my sandwich when eating at a restaurant and saving the other half for lunch the next day.  Small changes every day.  Just in general picking a healthier life style.

It is easy to be positive 4 days in, but I really need to get to work.  I have so much to do in the next 15 weeks to prepare for this race.  PLUS my favorite BCBG dress does not fit.  That is unacceptable and needs to be changed asap.  Plus I just want to feel better, because as much fun as being a party girl is and it really is; you don't really feel that great until you have booze in your system, and that my friends is an alcoholic. 

The only thing that hasn't stopped......'Call Me Maybe' on repeat. all.the.time.  I don't know if that ever will.

Here comes week 3

Weeks like this, with the heat of the city make me want to cry.  I went running at 5am this morning and was still miserable the entire time.  It is going to be one very long training season.

Happy National Running Day!!!

Today is National Running Day....and I could not be less excited to go for a run.  At least the weather is perfect so that will help ease how sore I am.  Yesterday marked the beginning of my training for my THIRD marathon.  I know it is only 3, but I would thought by now the fear of training/running this would have died down...but no.  The marathon and the training are daunting, I am still as nervous as the first time I started this.

Yesterday my 3 mile run was horrible.  It was one of those runs that was short but felt like 10 miles.  I did spinning after that (my new favorite workout) and afterwards I was pretty physically tired.  I want to keep up spinning one day a week just to mix up my workouts! 

I am hoping in honor of today, that my run will be better.  The weather could not be more perfect for it!

On a different note, whoever wrote this article needs to get a life:

http://fitbie.msn.com/slideshow/fitness-classes-more-fun-night-out

I am sorry but no class at the gym will ever compare to a night out.  ever.

I am less than a month out than my two half marathons in one weekend adventure and I am having a lot of trouble training.  I am not into my running, at all.  The miles are kind of forced, and I have to physically drag myself to the gym.  But yesterday I was watching a promotional video for the 2012 Chicago Marathon (otherwise known as redemption Sunday) and that made me so pumped.  It is still 6 months out, and I wanted to run it this weekend.  Which made me come to the conclusion that I am not a born runner; I love racing.  Saturday morning training runs are awful.  I will never be the person that just goes for a "run" for however long I feel.  Do you know how long that run would last?  Maybe a mile.  I like the finish line.  I like the feeling of completion.  Having a goal and fulfilling it is what I do.  I think this is why I have struggled the last few months, and have gained quite a few lbs back, I don't have a plan.  I have been trying to make up my own workout plans for these 2 half marathons, but it isn't go so well.  Do I still think I will be able to do it?  Of course.  Do I think I can run one of them half marathons in less than 1:55?  Not a shot in hell.  I will be excited when marathon training returns into my life, I will have a laid out plan of what to do every day.  Maybe I have just done too much and I am burnt out, 2 full marathons and 7 half marathons in less than 2 years is a lot for someone who 6 months prior to the first half was a complete couch potato.  SO I have decided to take a break.  On May 5th and 6th I will run the Indy Mini and the Cincinnati Flying Pig Half Marathon, and will give myself one week of light exercises.  Then on May 14th, I will begin the Insanity 60 Day Challenge.  If you have never heard of it check out the commercial for it:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZLK28BHJDd8

It honestly looks insane.  But I am hoping to miss running while I do this.  I mean this looks like Becky's Kwando class 6 days a week.  Hopefully this will kick my butt back into marathon shape and I will be able to get a PR on October 7th.  Plus I am hoping a 60 day break from running will get me excited to log so many miles on the patch come mid July for my 12 week marathon training!

Thirty before Thirty

Sometimes it is hard for me to believe I will be 29!  I know 30 is not old, well aware of that, but when I look back 15 and even 10 years ago I definitely thought my life would be very different at 29.  Now don't get me wrong, I love my life.  I live in a fantastic city, have some of the most amazing friends on earth and honestly could not ask for a better family. It is just strange how life takes you on paths you don't always foresee coming.  Since I only have one year left in my twenties, I have made a list of what I have spent the last 9 years saying I want to do and making it my priority for the next year to actually do.  I made this list of things that is based on me and things that I personally can do by myself.  I would have liked to add meet the man of my dreams and fall head over heels in love, but that would be dependent on him as much as it would be on me.  I wanted to make this list attainable no matter what anyone else had going on.  I also wanted to make this list financially attainable.  I would have loved to add climb Kilimanjaro or see the pyramids in Egypt, but I can barely afford a trip to Disney World, so those are def out of the question.   So here it is:
      1.       Go to Iowa

2.       Run two half marathons in one weekend

3.       Attempt the Lucky’s eating challenge that was on Man vs. Food

4.       Go Paint balling

5.       Ride Space Mountain at Disney World

6.       Go rock climbing (indoors or out)

7.       Contact my childhood babysitter Charlotte Banks and tell her how much she means to me and how she shaped my childhood.

8.       Eat the fried chicken at Table 52

9.       Read Catcher in the Rye

10.   Crash a wedding (Natalie Stoneburner you are my partner in crime for this!)

11.   Finish the 60 Day Insanity Workout

12.   Go to Sunday services at the Bahai Temple

13.   Watch Citizen Kane

14.   Finish the Chicago Marathon without throwing up

15.   Get a Brazilian

16.   See a show at Second City

17.   Buy a pair of designer shoes (preferably with red bottoms) without caring how much they cost.

18.   Eat at a Rick Bayless restaurant

19.   Take a Bikram Yoga class

20.   Hit 100lb weight loss goal

21.   Go line dancing

22.   Go to Mass at Holy Angels Cathedral

23.   Take a spinning class

24.   Watch a movie in 3D

25.   SKYDIVE

26.   Try Ethiopian food

27.   Watch Star Wars

28.   Eat at Gibsons

29.   Take a pole dancing class

30.   Visit one major city I have never been to before (any city in Iowa does not count)

Thanks for the suggestions by the way!  If I didn't use them directly, they probably led me to an idea for something else!

The Weight Loss Challenge

Yesterday marked the end of the first week of competition for the weight loss challenge at work.  I knew I had gained weight back, but I wasn't sure HOW much I actually had. Last Friday much to my dismay I had gained back 25 lbs.  After the marathon in May I had stopped weighing myself fearful I had become obsessed with weight loss.  Well look at what happens when you do that.  I am still a bit confused how one gains so much weight and still fits into their pants.  They were a bit tighter, but not unwearable.  I see commercials on TV where people lose 30 lbs and drop 3 pants sizes....how does that happen?  I am pretty sure I lost at least 40 lbs before it was necessary for me to buy new pants when I first started losing weight.  I am sure it has something to do with the fact that I am 5'8, I think this would be very different if I was 5'0.

Anyways, I was a bit nervous for this weight in.  I had gone home the weekend before and drank every night.  My parents and I finished two pitchers of strawberry margaritas together on Saturday night (we had to celebrate Union County's first sectional title since 1979 properly!!); Greg was driving, so knowing my mom I took down most of these myself :)  Plus, we went for pizza and beer at my grandparents house on Sunday night, it is physically impossible to go to the Stapfs and not have at least one beer with Grandpa Al!  On a positive note I did go running on Saturday.  What a difference running in College Corner vs. Chicago.  First of all the wind, the Windy City ain't got nothing on the empty cornfields of March in the country.  I literally thought I was running in a wind tunnel.  It must have been looking like I was running in slow motion.  At one point I was running a 10:30 mile.....and I was running harder than any 8 minute mile I had ever ran on a treadmill.  Second of all the hills.  College Corner is not flat, so it was great prep work for the Flying Pig half!  I made it 10 miles and walked a mile home....worked a lot harder for that 10 had I ran 12 on the treadmill!

So to counter act all of this I kicked ass at the gym all week (between work and working out I had no life!) and started that horrible food journal (I hate hate hate writing down everything I eat, but you know what it works!).  And you know what it all turned out ok.   I lost 6.2 lbs the first week.  Off to an awesome start.  I am hoping to lose another 4 this week. We will see how I do :)  I am so competitive I really want to win this thing!!

When I first started to lose weight my trainer advocated that I write down everything I eat down.  It was awful but it really makes you realize how much you are consuming so here we go again:

I am keeping a food journal....everything consumed must be written down.  And I am making myself be honest.  We are doing our first weigh in tomorrow at work for the Biggest Loser competition.  I will provide an update then!

I wish I could personally thank the guys that pissed off Adele, Taylor Swift, and Kelly Clarkson that caused them to create so much pissed off girl music.  Clarkson's new song "Stronger", although very close to my Brit Brit's 2000 song "Stronger"...still a great song to run to.  Also a very special thank you to Joey Gladstone for causing Alanis Morisette to write "You Oughta Know".....

These literally get me through almost every run.

Seriously though....why is Kelly Clarkson such a man hater?  Has she EVER had a happy song that didn't involve Jason Aldean?  Was that song even happy?

oh Whitney!

I have often talked about how I am into running to angry girl music and country.  But when I crossed the finish line of my first marathon, there was only one song that I saw fitting to listen to....Whitney Houston's "One Moment in Time".  When I was training that was one the song that I would put on when I didn't think I could run more step, and I would imagine crossing the finish line.  Those thoughts would help push me to finish the run and when I hit mile 26 in Cincinnati that is the song I put on to push me to run the last two tenths of a mile.  (I'm sure many think this is all very dorky, but WHATEVER gets you through a long run do it!)  I have her greatest hits dance version on my ipod, and it is one of my favorite albums to run to.  Songs like "How Will I Know" and "Step by Step" are fantastic to listen to along the lake front path. 

One of my favorite Whitney memories is at my cousin Ashley's weddings a few years ago, when "I Wanna Dance With Somebody" came on and none of the younger girls knew the words or that the song even exsisted (ugh these young kids really missed out on a fantastic generation of music.....learn your 80's songs!!!).  My cousin's girlfriend Shannon were shocked that they did not know this epic song, we ran to the dance floor with our favors of candy apples to sing and dance as loud as we could:


Of course yesterday, Whitney Houston passed away at the age of 48, and I am incredibly sadden by this.  This is actually the first artist that has died at a young age that I have been truly depressed by.  She was one of the biggest artist during my youth and acted in one of my favorite Christmas movies "The Preacher's Wife".

I decided long ago, never to walk in anyone's shadows
If I fail, if I succeed
At least I live as I believe
No matter what they take from me
They can't take away my dignity

Rest in Peace Whitney.....I will be having a constant dance party in my apartment to your music for the next few days!

My poor mom

This weekend I finally broke the news to my mom that I was running the Chicago Marathon again.  My mom had mega bus'd it up to Chi town for the big race last October, excited to see me cross the finish line of my second marathon.  Unfortunately things did not go as planned.  I saw my group at mile 6 and 8, then I was to see them at the finish line.  I felt great the first two times I saw them, unfortunately as I hit mile 14 my overall feeling began to slide.  I called my dad at mile 18 begging him to tell me that he knew I could finish (the crazy guy told me to quit...not happening Greg), so when we hung up he immediately called my mom to tell her that I wasn't doing well.  I tried calling a few of the girls, but for some reason the calls were not going through.  I would occasionally receive a text and respond while I was walking the final 8 miles, but communication between myself and my crew at the finish line was few and far between.  I finally ran by mile 25.8 where my group was, ONE HOUR later than expected.  So when I was talking to her right after the half marathon this weekend, I sprung the news of the next marathon:

Me:  Mom, I made my decision, I am running Chicago full again.
Mom: I am not coming to watch this year.
Me:  Ok mom I understand, I remember what happened.
Mom:  Seriously Chelsea you almost gave me a heart attack.  I was too scared to watch the end of the race.  I can't go through that again.
Me:  Well hopefully this year I will be in much better shape, maybe I won't throw up....
Mom: I can't imagine you running a marathon without me there...do you think the girls will all wear their pink shirts again, I loved that we all matched!  They were so much fun to spend the day with.
Me: Ask them yourself devil woman.

This is reason 248 why I love my mom, she would never not come to support me.  I feel so bad that I scared her so much last year.  I am hoping for a better race in 2012, and that my buddy Stacy will help her scoot around town again.   It is 240 days away and I am already nervous.....

Starting again.....

I did so well.  I got down to a comfortable size, I ran one very awesome marathon (another one not so much....), and had felt like I had regained my life again.  Often on the Biggest Loser they always talk about how your fat is holding you back in your life.  I could not agree more.  Not that I have ever been a "sit on the sideline" kind of girl, but it can hold you back, especially when you use it as a crutch.  It may be scary letting go of that, but totally worth it.  But then what happened....I got comfortable.  I slipped back into bad old habits, like whiskey binges followed by 3am Golden Nugget adventures.  After the gym picking something up on the way home, when I could have easily just cooked at home.  Also not living with Toni, I let my eating habit slip.  She is such a healthy eater...and I always felt guilty eating crap.  Now I live alone, no guilt there!  I have started to gain my weight back.  I have no idea how much, it doesn't really matter the number.  I have learned in the last 2 years its not about the number on the label of your pants its how you feel...and my work pants that use to be loose are getting tight.  So its time to get back at it, and I am hoping to start blogging often as well.  Maybe that will keep me honest!

It is going to be a big running year.  I am taking on quite a few challenges.  Thankfully I have a partner in crime to run all my big races, Ms Megan Hallaren!  First up is our back to back half marathons, the Indy Mini and the Flying Pig Half Marathon.  I was not nervous about this, until this weekend when I asked a serious marathoner in California how he suggested I trained for this.  He had a very nervous look on his face, like I had just asked something crazy.  His only suggestion was compression socks...well that got me nowhere.  Still trying to iron out my training plan for these races!   THEN on Oct. 7th (or now better known as redemption Sunday) I will be again running the Bank of America Chicago Marathon.  I only have 2 hopes for this race, that I do not throw up and no medic along the course asks me if I need help.  If I make it to the end without either of those...I will consider it a success.

Training starts on Monday Feb. 13th.  Here is to hoping it is a GREAT running season!