A another year

First off, thank you so much to everyone for all of their support in this journey.  When I first began writing this I never thought I would get the response I have received, so thank you for all the amazing messages, they truly mean a lot.  They have also pushed me to run faster and stronger over the past few weeks, so thank you for inspiring me as well!

So this week is a big week.....its my birthday week!!!  Now I know that turning from 27 to 28 is not that big of a deal, but for me the "big" part of this week is leaving 27.  This year was a turning point in my life.  This will be the year that I ran four half marathons, the year that I lost 40 more lbs, and in all honesty (this sounds soooooo corny, but...) the year that I found me.  I'm a little sad for this year to be over....its been a good one.  Today to round out the year, I ran one last half marathon .  I was using this race as a prep race for the marathon, but in all honesty I really wanted to redeem my awful times from the Chicago Rock n' Roll and State to State Half Marathon.  My best time at the half before today was 2:17, and today I ran the half in 1:57.  That's 20 minutes off my previous best time!  I honestly didn't think I could run it that fast, it is averaging 8:55 miles.  A year and half ago I had never ran a mile faster than 10 minutes....my best was closer to 11 minutes, so to be able to run 13 under 9 minutes a mile feels amazing.

We are less than five weeks out from the big day.  Only one more truly long run stands in the way and that is the 20 miler.  The 18 mile run went really well.  I felt good afterwards and had no soreness, so I am feeling pretty positive about adding 2 more miles.  Yet, I will have to say, it is becoming more and more of a mental battle every long run.  It was really hard to push through past mile 15.  I was starting to doubt myself, wondering if I could keep up the pace and finish strong, but with a little help from my ipod I was able to push on, finishing in 2 hours and 45 minutes.

On a different note, last week I woke up at 4am on Friday morning and was unable to go back to sleep.  So I decided to catch up on the Biggest Loser.  Although this show annoys me because of the game playing and the fact that they are completely cut off from real life, there are times I absolutely love it.  For instance, they were broken into teams of three and each team had a time to reflect.  One team climbed a near by hill and stood at the top, discussing how far they had come in their weight loss.  Although it was over dramatized for television, I had never identified with anyone more in my life, and there I was at 4:45am by myself on Friday morning and I cried...a lot.  I guess I never thought losing weight was so emotional.  Every year on New Years I would buy the "Half Their Size" issue and think this will be my year...this will be the year I finally lose weight.  And after 3 weeks, I inevitably would give up becoming bored and letting life get in the way.  Now as I look back at who I was 2-3 years ago, I thought I was so happy back then, hiding the fact that I hated how I looked or how society treated people who are bigger.  Sometimes I hate the fact that I wasted so much of my life being overweight, BUT I guess I would never have the knowledge I do now if I hadn't.  I think my weight loss had never worked before because I was so consumed with just losing weight....I didn't have any goals other than to look like everyone else.  Thank god I put my energy into a reasonable first....like a 5k....instead of just losing 20lbs.  Its a lot easier to lose weight when you do not focus on the lbs!

Off to run....may have to add a few miles more this week because there is no way I will be giving up cake this week :)

What I've Learned

It has now been 18 months since the Patti LuPone concert (Happy half birthday k duff!), so I thought I should reflect back about everything that has happened.   Nothing listed below is from scientific based evidence, but my own personal experiences.....I am aware that I am not an expert.  So here is what I have learned over so far:

• You probably do not have a pre-disposition to be fat.  Your love for fried chicken, chocolate, or (insert favorite food) and your lack of physical activity is probably why you are overweight.  So stop making excuses and feeling sorry for yourself.
• If you are going to work out in the morning, the hardest thing you physically have to do is get out of bed.  That four mile run at the gym is a piece of cake once you get there.
• Your weight does affect every aspect of your life.
• When you lose a large amount of weight, at some point you are going to have to buy a new wardrobe...as fun it may seem, no one informs of how expensive this will be.
• Confidence is more attractive than a small waist line.
• You can do it.  Ok you may not be able to do everything....I will probably never be able to run a 3:30 marathon , but for the most part you can do anything you set your mind to.
• Your reflection in the mirror may change, but you will probably continue to see the old you,....it may take awhile to realize all the changes.
• It is not as easy as it looks on television.  Those people are removed from real life, they are not sitting at a desk all day and then have other duties of normal life...you will probably not lose 11 lbs every week.
• Your desire to eat all the foods you love will never leave, but you will power to say no will get stronger.
• Runner's high does exsist.  I wish I could have bottled up the feeling I had post Nashville half marathon.
•  A life without Skyline chili, oreos, burritos and pizza is not a life worth living.  You can add alcohol to that list as well :)
• Weight loss is a hell of alot harder mentally than physically.
• Having a support system is key.  I could never have done this without my family, friends, trainer, and co-workers.  A little encouragement can go a long way.
• Being obsessed with losing weight makes you a little crazy and annoying to your support system, so make sure you can converse about other topics.
• Everyone has body issues.
• Don't worry about all the people that pass you on the lake front path or get down on yourself for how fast you are running, think of all the people that you could run circles around sitting on their couch at home.
• You can not beat yourself up everytime you mess up, things happen.
• The only way to truly learn some things is for your plan to go horribly wrong, insert Chicago Rock n'Roll Half Marathon here.
• You can lose 80 lbs. and still feel fat.

I finished my 15 mile run this weekend, it went pretty well.  Although I couldn't shake the thought in the back of my mind....can I really run 11 miles more? 

Sorry its been awhile

58 days out till the big day :) :) :)  I am so excited!!

It has been so long since I have posted on here!  I have been so busy training that I haven't had a chance to update my blog.  Between work, training and my long commute to and from work, I feel so busy, I can't imagine ever trying to train for a race like this and having other responsibilities like a family!  This weekend it really hit me how dedicated I actually have become to this program.  I went on my 13 mile run along the lake front and it was bitterly cold out, and then at mile 7.5 I stepped in a puddle.  The next 5.5 miles were tough....my feet were frozen and I physically didn't think I could run it.....but I did!!  I mentally had to talk myself through it, and think about small milestones, like at the Field Museum, I told myself I had to run to Navy Pier.  At Oak street beach I told myself I only had to run to Castaways, this really helped seemed it not seem so overwhelming.  This weekend is a 15 mile run, which is the first time I have ever ran over 13.1 miles and I am excited to hit this milestone.  The next 3 weekends I will be running 15, 16 and then 18 miles!  I hope the weekends start to warm up quickly...I am not a fan of running in the bitterly cold.  I am really sick of stepping in icy puddles and having to wear so many layers.  Warm weather needs to get here quickly!

I am running a half marathon on the weekend of March 27th, and I am so ready!  My first half was such an amazing experience, but the other two went so array I am ready to finally have one go well again.  I unfortunately had to learn the hard way how to race, and after a few good long runs, I am hopeful this one will go much better than the previous ones! 

On a side note, one of my favorite shows Too Fat For Fifteen is returning to television and I am pretty pumped.  I am such a fan of all the weight loss shows on television that has popped up lately, but this one is by far and away my favorite.  Its about a weight loss center in NC  for obese teens.  Its so hard to see kids that are that big (the new cast features a girl that weighs 511 lbs!), but it is so great to see them overcome all their issues.  I am such a sucker for all of these shows.  I rarely if ever cry at movies, but I cry almost every week while watching the Biggest Loser.  I wanted to throw my remote at the television when a dad on 'I Use to Be Fat' told his daughter that she should lose weight so she could one day get married...the poor girl was 18 maybe she should get healthy first!  And the people on Heavy just make me sad, they have such an addiction to food it is unreal....  Like I said I really am addicted to these shows, but watching others go through the same struggles I do every day makes me inspired!  If they can do it, I can to :)  I think another reason I enjoy these shows so much, is that they showcase the fact that weight loss is a mental struggle just as much as physical...more on that on a different post!

My bad eating habits

I have a confession to make….I hate vegetables.  I am like a 13 year old boy when it comes to consuming veggies.  If I could live my life the way I wanted to I would never consume them.  Although today I am sitting here on my lunch break eating an entire can of green beans, why?  Because I feel better when I do so.  I read lots of blogs encouraging people to add veggies to things and you will never notice them. I do not agree; not only I notice them, it makes me dislike whatever I am consuming. The writers of these articles clearly enjoy veggies and are trying to appeal to us that do not.  For example I do not like tomatoes…so why would I suddenly enjoy them as a pizza topping or in a wrap; their advice is useless for people like me.   I have struggled with this concept for the last year and half….through my entire weight loss (well probably my whole life, I just have realized it now).  The US Government recommends that you eat 2.5-3 cups of veggies every day, and 7 out of 10 Americans fail to do so.  I consider myself a pretty healthy eater, but I know that I would be in that 7 who does not, although I am closer than most.  I feel like all my friends really enjoy big salads or steamed veggies as a side, I would much prefer something more like french fries (and they DO NOT count as a serving of veggies).  I am hoping at some point in my life I will learn to enjoy them, until then I will continue to bribe myself.  For example today, I had the option of a spinach salad or a can of green beans to eat as a side item (it is what I had in my desk/work fridge), and in order to psyche myself up to eat one of them, I had to promise myself a 100 calorie pack at the end.  Sad but the truth.  Like I said earlier though, I am aware of all the good things that vegetables do for you, so I continue to force myself to eat them and eventually (5 years maybe?!?!) I will be ordering veggie burgers instead of sirloin burgers.

It is almost the end of January which means in the next 3 weeks the gym will finally slow down with all of the new years resolutioners, who thought they were going to change their lives but in reality are doing the same thing as last year.  Which means there will be no more lines for treadmills, hooray!  Last night I got to the gym a little late and wanted to make it to yoga, since there was a line I ran on the track.  36 laps around the Bally’s weight room, which is not fun, I missed the treadmill.  This weekend the forecast is 33 for Saturday and most of the ice has melted around the neighborhood, so my 10 miler on Saturday morning will be outside! I am so excited to try out the Garmin 110 I got for Christmas finally! 

 I found a half marathon to do in training in Chicago on March 27^th, to help prepare for the big race in May.  By that point I should have several runs over 13 miles in, and this will allow to test out several race day things before the big race.  Should I use chomps or gu’s?  Can my body handle Gatorade while running or should I stick to just water?  Hopefully if I mess something up during this race, I make the change before the marathon.

I went out for the first time this weekend since starting training and I would be lying to myself if I said it didn’t affect my training.  I have felt exhausted and dehydrated this week.  I’m pretty sure, my post drinking, hangover Sunday binge fest of eating did not help this matter.  Going back to being sober Chelsea for the foreseeable future, oh sacrifices!

It has begun.

So I am 3 weeks into training for the marathon and feeling great.  Again I’m only 3 weeks in and the longest run I have run is 7 miles so how hard could have really been?  I’m not going to lie though, by end of Thursday I am physically exhausted.  My trainer is kicking my butt via wall sits, push ups and her new love jumping rope.  Apparently in the next few months she thinks I am going to be able to master the jump rope….umm I am the most uncoordinated person on earth, this may be a struggle.  Hopefully spending Friday nights in (and no working out!) will help the exhaustion.  Its so weird how some days I feel great running 7 miles and the next day I can barely get through 3.  I should flip through my Hal Higdon book and see why this is, that man has a lot of insight.

Lately I have been forced to run inside, which is beyond boring.  Running outside in freezing weather scares me….I could fall, break my ankle and then I would be screwed.  And I guess, well I’m not that tough.  So last week I had to run all 7 miles on a treadmill, at my steady race pace of 6.0.  I was bored, even with an Ipod and ESPN up on the TV’s.  I have to bite my lips not to sing out loud (I don’t want to be “that” girl) and limit my tapping and banging to the beat of the music.  So I to fill my thoughts I watch the people around me, and the girl next to me this week really perked my interest.  She ran for 54 minutes, at 7.4…no ipod, no water, and no towel.  I can’t run 2 miles at that pace…and I def couldn’t do it without water.  I hope I have someone that interesting tomorrow to run next to!  If not, I’ll have to put on “Fighter” by Christina and jam out instead.

Due to training I have cut waaaayyyy back on my alcohol intake.  I hate to admit this but I like the way I feel.  Now am I bored and craving a cocktail?  Of course, but I have never been a person for moderation so there is no option for me to go out and have a beer, its more like 12.  So in a few weeks I’m sure I’ll go out, until then I’ll spend nights in sleeping through some movie I have rented off the Red Box.  As much as I think of the positives of not having hangover: no sleep deprivation, nausea, dehydration, and in general that death like feeling that causes me to eat lots of Dominos pizza, I really miss boozing it up.  Maybe one day I will experiment if I can go out and not drink….I mean people can change right?

Looking back...

August 9, 2009 changed my life, what I thought was the worse day of my life, turned out to be an amazing turning point.  This was the day after Katie Duffey's best birthday.  We had gone to the Patti LuPone where she had met Patti and gone out after that.  I woke up the next morning to my car having not nice words keyed in several places on my car....which after taking to the insurance company was $1700 in damages.  I was devastated, I felt like I had been personally beat up.    I still to this day have never found the person that did this.  But over the next few days I was in a fog of depression and embarrassment.   After a night of crying on Manny's couch, I finally got the kick in the ass I needed.  She told me straight up that I needed to do something with myself to change, if its my job, where I live, what I'm doing....something needed to change because I was beyond depressed.  Then she suggested that I run the Nashville half marathon with the other girls and I laughed, thinking it was impossible.  Over the next few days I really considered it...what was really standing in my way?  So I laced up a very old pair of running shoes and went out for a "jog".  I couldn't at a very slow pace run 500 yards, and thought I had a very long way to go, but was now determined to this! I ended up running that half marathon and two more later in the year.  I lost 75 lbs.  I became a much happier person overall.....and it all started with some asshole who thought they were getting me down!

Here is a pic of me that night at the Lupone concert:

Looking back I never saw myself as big as I actually was, but this pic makes me so sad.  How did I ever let myself get to that point?

  Here is a pic of me before the State-to-State Half Marathon in September:

I'm not where I want to be currently, but  I am proud of how far I have come.  I couldn't have done this without my amazing support system who is always there with support and encouragement.  My Chicago family has not only picked me up when I was down but gave me the encouragement I needed to get here!

So thank you to whoever keyed my car that night, you made me realize how depressed I had let myself get and gave me the catalyst to get myself out....I never thought I would ever say that!

Living it up!

Yesterday I walked into work with the pleasant surprise that my friend Kathy had brought doughnuts...so I picked up a glazed cake doughnut (I am pretty sure this is the worst of the worst when it comes to doughnuts) and washed it down with a cup of hot chocolate (at least it was no sugar added).  It tasted amazing and I did not have one ounce of guilt.  Since I haven't grocery shopped this week, I stopped on the way home and picked up my favorite to go dinner...grilled chicken (covered in some yummy Italian oil), black beans and garlic mashed potatoes.  It was delicious.  It seems crazy that I could be working out so hard, why would I sabotage myself in this way, but in my mind I have 11 days left to live it up before things really start!  Over the last year I have definitely struggled with food.  If I dedicated myself to my food consumption as much as I did working out, I would have hit my 100 lb weight loss already.  But lets be honest I love booze and food and it is a constant battle for me.  So I have made the decision to live it up in the holiday season.  If someone brings in holiday cookies I going to have one (or probably two), or if I am asked out to go out to lunch I am going to go.  So for the next 11 days I am going to enjoy my favorite foods and not in moderation, but come Dec. 28th I am going to be ready to go!  I will not be able to eat Panda Express and train for a marathon.....too bad, I LOVE Panda Express.

Although my eating isn't exactly on track, my working out is.  Last night before my personal training appointment I ran 2 miles in 17 minutes.  That is a far cry for the girl who could not run 500 yards last August or even worse who could never run faster than an 11 minute mile in the Presidents physical fitness test in elementary school.  I could rock the sit and reach back in the day but run...no way?  I was always the chubby girl crossing the finish line last when forced to run 2 times around Union School.  This weekend I am going to try to see how fast I can run one mile.  I watched Biggest Loser where they ran the marathon this week and Ada ran a mile in 7:38, I'm am hoping to get close to that!  I have never ran less than an 8 minute mile in my life, I love hitting milestones :) 

I will hit my 100 lb weight loss by my 28th birthday.....24 lbs to go.  Okay lets not lie, I'm sure I' going to gain a few lbs over the next week...so 30 lbs to go :)