The marathon is upon us...

So here we are...it is the week of the marathon.  Words can not describe how excited/nervous I am for this experience.  My friends have already been warned what a basketcase I will be, come Sunday morning.  I don't do well under stress and lets be honest I stress about everything, and I am especially stressed about this!  But more than stressed I am excited!  Of all the cool vacations I have been on or weddings I have participated in...I am more excited for this weekend than any other weekend I can ever recall! 

I can not put into words what an amazing experience this has been.  I am definitely an advocate of anyone trying this at least once.  I have learned so much about myself.  I know you are probably thinking its just running what is the big deal?  But it is sooo much more than that.  It is about being mentally stronger than you are physically.  Its about proving that if you work hard at something you can acheive it.  When I think about crossing the finish line I want to cry. 

God help me....if there are thunderstorms and they close the course I will have a panic attack.  But I am not going to worry about things that are out of my control right now!

I can't believe how fast the last 18 weeks have gone!  Here is a picture of my first training run in December with Courtney (she will also be crossing the finish line of her first marathon this weekend!!!):

It was only 3 miles but snowy and cold, which made it seem longer.   

Here is a pic of me today on my last training run today:

I just did my last 3 mile run with my co-worker Karrie, in the rain and it was a breeze.  I have now completed the entire Hal Higdon 18 week to a Marathon training program.  I think I missed a total of 2 workouts...not too shabby! 

All I have to do now is stretch and DO THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!

Also this weekend is shaping up quite nicely!  Not only is the Royal Wedding tomorrow, but one of my best friends Ashley welcomed a new baby boy on April 27th and I get to meet him before the big race.  Lots to be excited for in life!

Hopefully the next time I post it will be of pictures with me at the finish line.

One week

Happy Easter y'all!

Yes, one week from this moment I will either be marathoner or the most disappointed person on earth (and no matter what the outcome...I will be drunk as well)!  I can't believe this journey is almost over.  It has definitely not been easy and to be honest I am really tired of running.  I have now been tapering for two full weeks and it is amazing how much energy I have without having to log all the miles I was previously!  By Sunday I will be bouncing off the walls!

I wish I could say the 20 miler was as great as all the other long runs, but it was not!  I was running late that morning and I had to volunteer that afternoon for the Glass Slipper, so when I went out I ran waaaayyy too fast.   I hit the turnaround point, right in front of Aquarium on the museum campus, looked down at my watch; to realize that I still had 5 miles to go.  I cursed extremely loudly and some nice man slowed down and talked to me.  He asked me what I was training for, told me about his running history, and gave me pointers for the big day; he ended up running an entire mile with me.  He wished me luck, and ran off at his pace (much faster than my 9 minute miles) and then I realized I had 4 miles to go.  I honestly didn't think I could do it.  I was in pain, and exhausted.  It was cold and miserable that day, and I had been running at a 8:45 pace....I was then at a 9:30 pace and getting slower by the minute.  I went to all my go to songs, and I still could not shake the feeling of how awful it was.  At mile 18, I thought to myself that I was not going to run the marathon, if 20 was this bad.....how awful is 26.2 going to be?  I was actually tearing up on the path, which is never a good sign.  Then at mile 19, Christina's "Dirrrty" came on my ipod and I remembered Megan Kovach "dancing" around my room at the SK house and crashing into my dresser and actually laughed out loud.  In all honesty, this memory pushed me until the end.  It wasn't easy, but I ran all 20 miles without stopping and I did it in 3:05. 

Up to this point my long runs had been physically hard but I had never been close to hitting the "wall".  Well that changed because I slammed right into it.  I had never mentally felt the way I did running than I did at mile 18.  I know physically I was in pain, but mentally I was a complete and utter mess.  I questioned all my abilities, how strong I was, and more importantly I questioned if I could actually finish it?  I am glad that I was mentally strong enough to push through it and finish, but I can't imagine going through that again....

Since that run I have been tapering.  The next weekend was only a 13 mile run and it would have been just fine, but I stayed out until 5am the night before drinking (yes I caved and drank in the month of April, twice actually), and I was a miserable mess along the path.  Thankfully Ms. Toni Haubert was running with me, and she pushed me to finish, which would not have happened had I attempted to it on my own.  This weekend was only 8 miles, and it was great!  I felt amazing and didn't want to stop.  But I didn't want to push it, so I did stop and now I have 9 miles left to run (3 on Monday, 4 on Wednesday and 2 on Thursday) before the big day.  This week needs to go by quickly...I am ready to do this!!!

I always like to donate my clothing to the Clothes Closet in Liberty, instead of the Salvation Army here in Chicago.  So today I did a full clean out of my closet.  Up to this point I would pull a piece or two out and put them in a bag and when the bag was full I would throw them in my car to take the next time I was College Corner bound.  I had done 2 previous sweeps of pants, but I still had a lot of my old clothes lying around.  Since I am going home this weekend, and will not be returning until after I move; I decided to do a clean sweep of all my clothing. I was unwilling to move clothes that did not fit into my new apartment.  I was hoping it would be liberating, but after seeing all my clothes in a huge pile on my bed I was just sad.  I had spent so much of my own hard earned money on all of these pieces and now I was just giving them away.  Two whole garbage bags stuffed to top with the suit I wore on my interview for my current job, the dress I wore to Lindsey's wedding, my favorite Banana Republic shirt that I have had since college, and the list goes on.  In all reality I could have kept them, but to do what with them?  Keep them?  They do not fit, and in all honesty they were not expensive enough to have tailored, so I will give them all away.  Much harder to part with them than I ever thought it would....

Probably only one more post before the marathon.....  :)

What inspires you?

Today starts off the biggest week of training.  This is the 40 mile week. 2 five mile runs, 1 ten mile run and then the 20 mile run on Saturday.  This will be far and away the hardest week of training.  I'm excited to finally do the big 20 mile run (excited is a strange word to describe this but I am!), I think if I can mentally get through this I should be able to make it through the marathon with all the added excitement of the actual race!  After this week, I will spend 3 weeks tapering, which is great because I am pretty busy in my work life the last few weeks.  This race will be here before I know it! 
Saturday night, while watching the tournament and all the UConn players jamming out with their headphones on before the game, we discussed what music "pumped" us up while running.  Now anyone that knows me really well knows that I have absolutely horrible taste in music, and my running music choices are about the same.  I would like to say I listen to whatever is popular on the radio, or I have all these cool underground bands that I listen to while I run....not the case.  I have a few songs that really get me going and here are some of them:

• "Crazy Bitch" - Buckcherry
• "Never Again" - Kelly Clarkson
• "Stronger" - Britney Spears
• "Unstoppable" - Rascal Flatts
• "Defying Gravity" - Wicked Cast
• "I Drove All Night" - CELINE
• "How Will I Know" - Whitney Houston
• "Gunpowder & Lead" - Miranda Lambert
• "Take Me As I Am" - Sugarland
• "Fighter" - Christina, by far and away my favorite.  When I don't think I can run one more step, I put this on.  It works...try it.

Kind of a hodge podge of strange old music, but this is what pumps me up.  Seriously who listens to Buckcherry and the Wicked Soundtrack on the same run?  As I look at this list, and reflect back on what I have thought the last few long runs....I am an angry runner.  I wish I could say that when I'm running I think about the greater issues in life....and maybe I do from time to time.  But most of the time....I'm just pissed. 

So what keeps me going?  The thought of ever having to pay more money for a bridesmaid dress because it is plus size (I get it, they use more fabric!), sitting by the phone waiting for some guy to call wondering what's wrong with me if he never calls, or the look on sales associate at a store that says "why are you shopping here, nothing at this store is in your size."  Thinking about how I use to feel about myself, can definitely push me through the miles where I start to question if I can run anymore.  Natalie always tells me when she wants to quit running on the treadmill, she thinks of me yelling at her (me? yell?....never) and keeps going (so proud of her!).  The thought of the finish line also inspires me not to stop.  When I am feeling like I need a pick me up, I put on "One Moment In Time" by Whitney Houston and think of the last .2 miles of the marathon, this always makes me smile and keeps me going no matter how tired I am.

So what inspires you to keep going?  Is it happy thoughts?  Or are you pissed at the world?  Do you have an upcoming event you want to look great for, and the thought of that inspires you to not give up?  A big race that you are training for and look forward to the finish line? No matter what it is, as long as you stay moving that's all that matters! :) I often see girls that are a little bigger on the treadmills running slowly and I want to yell, "Don't give up!  You can do it!  If I can, anyone can".  But I never want to be the crazy girl at the gym, so I keep my thoughts to myself.  Maybe one day I will....it probably would have made my day 20 months ago!

Side note - after a very drunk month of March (Exhibit A of my birthday at my favorite place, The Wrightwood Tap):

I am going to attempt to give up alcohol for the entire month of April.  Four days in and going strong!

one month

One month from today is the marathon!!!!!!!!!!!!  Let the countdown begin :) :) :)

A another year

First off, thank you so much to everyone for all of their support in this journey.  When I first began writing this I never thought I would get the response I have received, so thank you for all the amazing messages, they truly mean a lot.  They have also pushed me to run faster and stronger over the past few weeks, so thank you for inspiring me as well!

So this week is a big week.....its my birthday week!!!  Now I know that turning from 27 to 28 is not that big of a deal, but for me the "big" part of this week is leaving 27.  This year was a turning point in my life.  This will be the year that I ran four half marathons, the year that I lost 40 more lbs, and in all honesty (this sounds soooooo corny, but...) the year that I found me.  I'm a little sad for this year to be over....its been a good one.  Today to round out the year, I ran one last half marathon .  I was using this race as a prep race for the marathon, but in all honesty I really wanted to redeem my awful times from the Chicago Rock n' Roll and State to State Half Marathon.  My best time at the half before today was 2:17, and today I ran the half in 1:57.  That's 20 minutes off my previous best time!  I honestly didn't think I could run it that fast, it is averaging 8:55 miles.  A year and half ago I had never ran a mile faster than 10 minutes....my best was closer to 11 minutes, so to be able to run 13 under 9 minutes a mile feels amazing.

We are less than five weeks out from the big day.  Only one more truly long run stands in the way and that is the 20 miler.  The 18 mile run went really well.  I felt good afterwards and had no soreness, so I am feeling pretty positive about adding 2 more miles.  Yet, I will have to say, it is becoming more and more of a mental battle every long run.  It was really hard to push through past mile 15.  I was starting to doubt myself, wondering if I could keep up the pace and finish strong, but with a little help from my ipod I was able to push on, finishing in 2 hours and 45 minutes.

On a different note, last week I woke up at 4am on Friday morning and was unable to go back to sleep.  So I decided to catch up on the Biggest Loser.  Although this show annoys me because of the game playing and the fact that they are completely cut off from real life, there are times I absolutely love it.  For instance, they were broken into teams of three and each team had a time to reflect.  One team climbed a near by hill and stood at the top, discussing how far they had come in their weight loss.  Although it was over dramatized for television, I had never identified with anyone more in my life, and there I was at 4:45am by myself on Friday morning and I cried...a lot.  I guess I never thought losing weight was so emotional.  Every year on New Years I would buy the "Half Their Size" issue and think this will be my year...this will be the year I finally lose weight.  And after 3 weeks, I inevitably would give up becoming bored and letting life get in the way.  Now as I look back at who I was 2-3 years ago, I thought I was so happy back then, hiding the fact that I hated how I looked or how society treated people who are bigger.  Sometimes I hate the fact that I wasted so much of my life being overweight, BUT I guess I would never have the knowledge I do now if I hadn't.  I think my weight loss had never worked before because I was so consumed with just losing weight....I didn't have any goals other than to look like everyone else.  Thank god I put my energy into a reasonable first....like a 5k....instead of just losing 20lbs.  Its a lot easier to lose weight when you do not focus on the lbs!

Off to run....may have to add a few miles more this week because there is no way I will be giving up cake this week :)

What I've Learned

It has now been 18 months since the Patti LuPone concert (Happy half birthday k duff!), so I thought I should reflect back about everything that has happened.   Nothing listed below is from scientific based evidence, but my own personal experiences.....I am aware that I am not an expert.  So here is what I have learned over so far:

• You probably do not have a pre-disposition to be fat.  Your love for fried chicken, chocolate, or (insert favorite food) and your lack of physical activity is probably why you are overweight.  So stop making excuses and feeling sorry for yourself.
• If you are going to work out in the morning, the hardest thing you physically have to do is get out of bed.  That four mile run at the gym is a piece of cake once you get there.
• Your weight does affect every aspect of your life.
• When you lose a large amount of weight, at some point you are going to have to buy a new wardrobe...as fun it may seem, no one informs of how expensive this will be.
• Confidence is more attractive than a small waist line.
• You can do it.  Ok you may not be able to do everything....I will probably never be able to run a 3:30 marathon , but for the most part you can do anything you set your mind to.
• Your reflection in the mirror may change, but you will probably continue to see the old you,....it may take awhile to realize all the changes.
• It is not as easy as it looks on television.  Those people are removed from real life, they are not sitting at a desk all day and then have other duties of normal life...you will probably not lose 11 lbs every week.
• Your desire to eat all the foods you love will never leave, but you will power to say no will get stronger.
• Runner's high does exsist.  I wish I could have bottled up the feeling I had post Nashville half marathon.
•  A life without Skyline chili, oreos, burritos and pizza is not a life worth living.  You can add alcohol to that list as well :)
• Weight loss is a hell of alot harder mentally than physically.
• Having a support system is key.  I could never have done this without my family, friends, trainer, and co-workers.  A little encouragement can go a long way.
• Being obsessed with losing weight makes you a little crazy and annoying to your support system, so make sure you can converse about other topics.
• Everyone has body issues.
• Don't worry about all the people that pass you on the lake front path or get down on yourself for how fast you are running, think of all the people that you could run circles around sitting on their couch at home.
• You can not beat yourself up everytime you mess up, things happen.
• The only way to truly learn some things is for your plan to go horribly wrong, insert Chicago Rock n'Roll Half Marathon here.
• You can lose 80 lbs. and still feel fat.

I finished my 15 mile run this weekend, it went pretty well.  Although I couldn't shake the thought in the back of my mind....can I really run 11 miles more? 

Sorry its been awhile

58 days out till the big day :) :) :)  I am so excited!!

It has been so long since I have posted on here!  I have been so busy training that I haven't had a chance to update my blog.  Between work, training and my long commute to and from work, I feel so busy, I can't imagine ever trying to train for a race like this and having other responsibilities like a family!  This weekend it really hit me how dedicated I actually have become to this program.  I went on my 13 mile run along the lake front and it was bitterly cold out, and then at mile 7.5 I stepped in a puddle.  The next 5.5 miles were tough....my feet were frozen and I physically didn't think I could run it.....but I did!!  I mentally had to talk myself through it, and think about small milestones, like at the Field Museum, I told myself I had to run to Navy Pier.  At Oak street beach I told myself I only had to run to Castaways, this really helped seemed it not seem so overwhelming.  This weekend is a 15 mile run, which is the first time I have ever ran over 13.1 miles and I am excited to hit this milestone.  The next 3 weekends I will be running 15, 16 and then 18 miles!  I hope the weekends start to warm up quickly...I am not a fan of running in the bitterly cold.  I am really sick of stepping in icy puddles and having to wear so many layers.  Warm weather needs to get here quickly!

I am running a half marathon on the weekend of March 27th, and I am so ready!  My first half was such an amazing experience, but the other two went so array I am ready to finally have one go well again.  I unfortunately had to learn the hard way how to race, and after a few good long runs, I am hopeful this one will go much better than the previous ones! 

On a side note, one of my favorite shows Too Fat For Fifteen is returning to television and I am pretty pumped.  I am such a fan of all the weight loss shows on television that has popped up lately, but this one is by far and away my favorite.  Its about a weight loss center in NC  for obese teens.  Its so hard to see kids that are that big (the new cast features a girl that weighs 511 lbs!), but it is so great to see them overcome all their issues.  I am such a sucker for all of these shows.  I rarely if ever cry at movies, but I cry almost every week while watching the Biggest Loser.  I wanted to throw my remote at the television when a dad on 'I Use to Be Fat' told his daughter that she should lose weight so she could one day get married...the poor girl was 18 maybe she should get healthy first!  And the people on Heavy just make me sad, they have such an addiction to food it is unreal....  Like I said I really am addicted to these shows, but watching others go through the same struggles I do every day makes me inspired!  If they can do it, I can to :)  I think another reason I enjoy these shows so much, is that they showcase the fact that weight loss is a mental struggle just as much as physical...more on that on a different post!